My days are numbered.
Your days are numbered.
5 A man’s days are numbered. You, God, know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set. 6 So now look away from him that he may rest, until he has lived the time set for him like a man paid to work. Job 14:5-6
When my wife died, it was a surprise. I left our house one morning in November, 2009. Michelle was a vibrant 44 year old woman. By the time I got home after work, she was gone. Drowned in the bathtub of our house. . . passed out in the tub, drifted below the water, and slept. There was no countdown, no expectation of departure. I had not ever considered a number.
Two years ago, Mom was a completely different story. After 90 plus years the clock just ran down. No rewinding. No surprise. The departure was quiet and graceful, much like she lived her life. She did not know the exact number, nor did I, but it came and went without incident.
But you Joanna (only you know who your are by this name), you are an anomaly. I don’t know your number. I do know it is smaller than I wish it were. I know is it a very real and tangible number. I know if I don’t see you soon, my next glimpse of you will be on the other side of the curtain. And so I must honor the number and I will tell you what I would share with the world if ever asked to write your Eulogy. Since you have not passed… I hope you find this an encouragement. In the weird and wonderful way you understand the things I say. God knows I appreciate that quality in you.
If there were a service, this is what I would rise to say… and since you would be ashes, you would not be able to stop me. I confess my biggest challenge is deciding which tense to pen this someday Eulogy in…. but to the one I love… you will know what I mean.
I love this woman. She was never easy to get to know. In fact she was downright secretive and initially reclusive. And frankly, a pain in my rather over sized ass. But I knew from our first Facebook moment, this was a very special woman, one with whom I had a rare and explainable connection.
Our first 3 meetings, were never shows… a rooftop brunch, a day at the dog park, and brunch again. Our relationship spanned nearly 2 years of “friending” and and “unfriending” on Facebook. Yet through all of these non-times, there was humor, and insight, and laughter and tears. Joanna you are a remarkable woman.
Eventually we would have our face to face times together. I so enjoyed being with you. You are a smile maker. Thank you.
Joanna you loved stuff that I loved. You didn’t love stuff that I loved. You are specific, and directed, and focused, and I am really not any of those things. Yet you enjoyed our time together, as did I. And you are caring. Oh my, you are so caring. I knew it when we first met. And I knew very early that you cared about me.
But I believe, it was with the birth of your first grandchild that you once again became the woman you were meant to be. You are love and kindness manifested. You became the woman that God intended for you to become. You and Boo. That little man was the right man for your life. I am so grateful that I caught a glimpse of you as that beautiful woman, before your number was called. Though I must brag and say I knew that quality and that woman by day two of our facebook lives. Long before you were ready to own it.
JB, you are a delight. I will miss you much. We shared together the sudden and ugly loss of our spouses through terrible and unforeseen accidents. You are a loving mother and grandmother and friend. And you have left a mark on my heart. I am thankful, and honestly I am really upset that I will have to miss you. But I will learn to deal with it. I will see you again. You will have my number.